grandma

i arrived at home and ran straight for her. i saw into her eyes and fell down to hold her. she said my name and the family was all surprised she knew who i was. they said she's been loosing her mind slowly and most times she doesn't know who anyone is. she knew me. i am her soulmate.

all day i laid next to her, on the floor. she can't walk or get up into bed so we live our lives around her, on the floor in the living room.

that night i woke up to her banging on the front door, asking someone, a man, to open it. she was not in this world. she was talking to someone somewhere else. but she was not crazy. she was just somewhere else. but they wouldn't let her in yet so i had to go pick her up off the floor and carry her back to bed. i held her for as long as it took to fall asleep again.

today i got to bathe her for the first time in my life and all i could think about was when i had to bath my mother every day for months. i didn't let it make me sad. i stayed in each moment, pouring water over her half naked body (cambodian people still shower outside but with a sarong on), shampooing her hair and scrubbing her legs, arms and back. the most amazing part was when i looked over at my family watching me, grandma was laugh and joking like her usual self and i was kissing her head, and they were speechless. they said she has refused to bathe for days and whenever they do bathe her she kicks and screams. so today, it was a happy experience. then my family, one by one, helped washed parts of her body most western families would hire a nurse to do at this point. we dried her and dressed her and she was happy all day. now i watch her sleep as i type this to remember that perfect moment.